I’m You.

Clinical Trials, post #4: Katherine Bensen.

I was emotionally exhausted today and noticed something very different about my current cancer treatment appointments. For some reason I could not bring myself to turn on the TV to pass the time during the all-day treatment. I sat in silence with my thoughts and I was completely content in the quiet hospital room. As usual, I had my books, notepad, phone, and laptop to pass the time, however I did not use any of them during these infusions. I couldn’t concentrate on reading a book. Reading or watching a funny program usually makes me happy, so you would think, why not? Aren’t these perfect activities to pass the time since I was just sitting there all day? I could have done all these things, but emotionally could not find the energy. The significance of my current treatment is so great. I could only focus on one thing, the clinical trial. This clinical trial matters. This research matters. Anyone with lungs can get lung cancer, with or without risk factors. I am you.

My hospital room today didn’t have any windows, but it didn’t matter to me. I was just so happy to be there doing the clinical trial. I’m in a bed all day attached to an IV, getting out of bed only to use the restroom. The entire day, I just lay there. I have a nurse assigned to me all day following the protocol procedures such as taking blood samples, checking vitals every half hour, observing me, etc.  Either my mom, dad or sister have been present by my side every minute to chat or just sit in silence.

As I am writing, I have tears of joy and gratitude for all the wonderful people in my life. My family, friends, community, doctors, nurses, friends of friends, my husband John and our children Henry, Anne, Millie and Sadie. Everyone gives me so much strength! I am amazed at how much love people have and give to others. I wish I could be there for all of you the way you are there for me with all of your sweet words of encouragement. Thank you all for your support.

I am reminded finally of all the others that came before me and participated in clinical trials. The research data that came from their participation is greatly needed and being used today to work toward a cure. A cure for me. A cure for you. I am you.

#Katiewins Living with Stage IV Non Small Cell Lung Cancer EGFR Exon 19, Erbb2, T790M & MET ~ Diagnosed December 31, 2014.

March 20, 2019